So the private school we thought we were sending Rio to next year just told me that they made an error on her financial aid award, and the actually expect us to pay just under $10K a year, not the just under $5K I had thought.

I can’t see that as Right Action; even if we could somehow squeeze that money out of the stone that is our budget. The idea of doing it every year for ten years just does not feel sustainable. We’d have to give up things that are not luxuries to do it. Stuff like ever seeing Martin’s family in Argentina again, any other activities she wanted to do ever (like music or gymnastics), me being able to stay home these next few years with the baby. It just does not feel right.

I could see throwing every resource we had into giving her the best possible education if she were going into high school, but she’s four years old. The best possible education is the one that teachers her to love play, her body, her mind and her intuition, and she gets that at home for free (aka – the annual salary I am not earning to be home giving it to her). She does not particularly want to go to school, except to socialize. I think I can find ways for her to socialize for less than 10K a year.

I’m not, as I’ve said before, worried about her academically – she can read a little, write a little and do some basic math, and no one has ever tried to teach her a damn thing. I suspect it will be a bunch of years until she needs to be learning something I can’t teach her or she can’t pick up herself.

I think we’ll try next year at home, hopefully with enough friends and resources that she won’t go crazy and neither will I. If that goes well we can do it again, if not I can revisit our school options then.

Rio came home right after I’d had this phone call today, and she noticed I looked sad. I told her that something I had expected wasn’t going to happen, but that I still had a lot of good choices to be happy about, and I think that pretty much sums up where I’m at with it. That and some convoluted feelings about hubris and pretensions of grandeur and worrying that I will get sucked into homeschooling and never have my own career…

I still feel a little sad. I may spend the deposit money for the school on extravagant toys for Rio and me.

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