Dear Weather,

Ever since moving to Seattle several weeks ago, I’ve found the constant vague, chill, gray dampness conducive to lying in bed reading murder mysteries and eating bonbons, but not to actually living my life. Of course, when I decided to live in the Pacific Northwest I…

No. Wait. Strike that. I never moved to Seattle. I have never even been there. What I mean is: this is New England, not Seattle, Weather. What the f*** are you doing? You are allowed to suck, but you’re supposed to change every twenty minutes.

No love,