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The awful part: I dreamed that my baby died and I was mourning her and suicidally depressed about her death and also that I wanted to get pregnant again, that I could not wait to have another baby, that I was trying to reincarnate Serena through my body. I woke up crying.

The funny part: the details of the dream were that Serena was turned into a vampire bunny through black magic, and had to be destroyed.

EDIT: The thing I left out of the initial post because I thought it was too weird to be believed was that Serena was turned into not one vampire bunny but rather twin vampire bunnies. Somehow the idea that she was turned from one living thing into two undead ones was the most disturbing to me. I just couldn’t ask my readers to accept it.

The weird part: this is the second dream I’ve had where I wanted to get pregnant and felt like I could not, and was trying to do so through arcane and weird means. In both dreams I had not approached M about having another child or tried to conceive by having sex with him.

I worry that this means I’m not in alignment with myself about the decision not to have more children; that some part of me wants to and feels cut off from M because I know he really is done.


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A little bird told me…

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